Wearisome hauls coupled with apprehension comment
9.12.14

rilakkumagifs:

Made the gif; source animation here.
  School holidays have started weeks ago and what I can tell is that I was and am still blasé about it. I have always reveled in long school holidays(no, not debauchery) by indulging myself in pastime activities, i.e. surfing the net(of course), beading, origami, coding, learning a new language and basically just about anything that gave me simple joy and de-idled my mind. This time, however, even as thoughts of my favorite pastime and hobbies surfaced on my ocean of thoughts, fear, anxiety, stress, yadayadayada, I could not bring myself to execute it. Delving into the aforementioned 'metaphorical' text, stress, anxiety, and apprehension are so concentrated(or heavy) it's weighing me down. They sum up to form an anchor that sink me down into the bleak, dark depths of an ocean.

  I cannot possibly brush away the never-ceasing thought of SPM and the prospects that lie ahead of me. I feel vulnerable to the pressure those thoughts impose on me and I certainly cannot counter-combat them. Things have escalated quite a bit over the last three weeks and is still on-going. We're going to shift to an apartment some 21.4 km north-west from the place we currently live in. The new place is relatively a nice, tranquil neighborhood, the kind of place I always liked. The serene vicinity and generous scatter of amenities in the new place is the good news. The bad news(it is, at least to me) is the fact that I've got to shift school. I would have sounded flat when I said what I said in the last sentence, but unless you've shifted from a school you've accustomed to so much over the years, you would just comply by my flatness,hence, indifference would be what you feel towards me. I cannot care less though about what you feel.

  My twin sister and I together with a mutual Malay friend of ours had filled and sent in application forms for a school hostel in Nilai, Sepang some 4 weeks back. Much to our disappointment, there is no reply from the school hostel up till today. We are ardently hoping for an approval as we sort of messed up in our catechism class with a long trail of 'O's in the classes attendance list. Next year would be a very crucial year for us in the Catholic church as we are obliged to fulfill the Sacrament of Confirmation, the the third sacrament out of six that we ought to receive over the period of our lifetime. If absence was palpable, our absence from catechism class would be a plethora. And with such superfluity, there's no way we're ever gonna reach a compromise in the one year probation(or so) set forth by the church for terrible absentees like us. We would have to stay in the form 4 class for another year, turning up for classes every week without fail. Leaving us behind would be our peers who would, by the time we receive our Sacrament of Confirmation, already receive theirs.

  The short cut, the easy way out was through RCIA. Attend occasional classes held faithfully for over a period of 5 months and you're ready to receive Confirmation. If we are not accepted into the hostel, we would probably be doomed to stay back in the form 4 class while our peers proceeded to the form 5 class. As you can see, staying at a hostel would be the uber-perfect excuse for us to attend the easy RCIA. Judging from how much emphasis I gave for the catechism class aside from the mundane worries for SPM, the whole thing is one hell of a big source of apprehension for me. Sighs...

addendum: Loving this season of Advent <3

the Christmas tree we decorated at our new home :)


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