not pleased with looks comment
20.11.13
 I've eversince been so, but there are times I came back to loving the way I look, ..and now, I'm back to hating my looks..why? simply because I look horrible in white, which I have no choice but to wear a white garment this Sunday. I'll be receiving First Holy Communion in church this 24th of November. I'm not embarrassed or so to receive my First Holy Eucharist with a bunch of 9 year-old kiddos(although I was initially feeling really awkward like never before). I don't think I would even be shy to stand in front of the whole congregation. Everything's neither, neither, neither when it comes to me feeling horrible,awkward and embarrassed...the only exception is..nothing,but the white garment..and simply the white garment only. Now, the problems related to me wearing a white garment and totally disliking it are as the follows;

1) I look dark in it..I completely abhor any setting or clothing that'll make me look dark in skin tone. It's COMPLETE VEHEMENCE dear readers, an absolute one indeed. I always dreaded looking dark...I mean,.. this is my personal blog in which I can pour out my feelings, right? Since I had no choice but to wear white only, I resorted to buying a 2 meter cloth which was of slight cream in color. I did not want any other white cloth that weren't off-white in color.

2) I'm 15, and as expected, I could not get a ready-made white dress. So, yeah, as mentioned above, I had to buy a 2 meter cloth and give it to a seamster to 'magically transform' it into a dress. I was perturbed.

3) The dress which was 'magically transformed' from mere white garment made my breast look ..umm..kindda big. That is like one of the main reason I didn't like the dress. Secondly, I wanted a U-neck, but what I got was sth like this;
...grrrr... I hate that kind of neck..

...and yeah that's about it...I do feel kind of guilty for writing this whole thing, because, when will I learn to appreciate what I have, all what my dear mother has done for me despite facing financial crisis herself...sorry Lord, sorry mum..