Faith and heartbrokeness comment

So it's been nearly three weeks since the last I saw my dad when he had come to fetch me back to university after Merdeka break last August. My dad texts me and says that he has been admitted in hospital over a heart issue. He says that only two of his heart chambers are working and that his heart has grown weak and not strong enough to pump all the fluid throughout his body. He says that he had seen his thighs and legs get swollen and that this was the reason he had gone to the hospital to check. He is experiencing a heart disease. And from what I have read, this could be a case of congestive heart failure whereby blood is pumped less effectively due to the weakening of the heart. Due to this, fluid can slowly build up and gravitate towards lower areas of the body such as the leg, leading to what is known as edema.

My mom, on the other hand, tells me that she had recently been admitted in a hospital too for chest pain. So I get all these heartbreaking news all while in the midst of preparing for my mid term papers and completing my programming assignment. I am sad beyond doubt. I instinctively cry out to God in the inside. I've not prayed for a long time. I've not gone to church for a long time. I feel hopeless.

But I want to believe that God is looking after me. I mean DO believe that after all this time, God is keeping watch of me. At a time of low spirits like this, I so happened to have someone enter my life and accompany my lonely soul. This special someone is Ignatius. He has helped me so much in this short time of our rapport.

Heartbroken though I must say, to have seen my father in such a condition like never before and to look at how lonely this man is, even at his sickbed, I want to acknowledge God for mitigating the pain through a wonderful person he has chosen to put in my life.

In faith I still stand strong.

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Koi No Yokan comment

Koi No Yokan - A  Japanese word that I had happened to stumble upon in a blog at just about the right time. It translates as the sudden knowledge upon meeting someone that the two of you are destined to fall in love. And this special person to whom this post is dedicated to is my love, Ignatius💕

I can vividly remember the first night that we had met each other. I was instantly smittened by this cute being! But looks can only go so far. I felt an instant connection with him as we shared our stories to one another. Little did I know that we had so much in common!

And as baffling an enigma magic can be, everything that night was wrapped up into a single, special and unforgettable night with Ignatius asking me to be his girlfriend! We exchanged the three words and voila! we're now a happy pair of love birds💘

Cheers to a loving and successful relationship forever, love!


Grateful comment

I have met a lot of nice people in my tender 19 years and some of these people have chosen to stick by my side and care for me. And while this is also a shout-out to my own family members for being there for me through my thick and thin, especially my mother, I am as equally obliged to good and caring friends as I am with my family. It's painful yet very blatantly a plain reality to see some of our friends come and go, especially the ones whom we have grown to become fond of their company and thought we had a bond with. But some have chosen to stick by despite all there is at their predisposal to let go and live on.

When I first moved to MMU, I have to admit having felt a little down and lost. I was also mostly at a lost with some lectures that were fast-paced. It took a while for me to gather and settle and aim for one direction at a time. On my first day when I moved into hostel, almost everyone around,  the faces that I familiarised with during the scholarship selection program had their family members surrounding them. I was grateful enough for the lift dad offered me in order to transport my stuffs from home to hostel. But my dad couldn't climb stairs so I had to carry everything up on my own. It was very tiresome to say the least but that was not it. I was saddened in the inside about not having my family around. It's not their fault. They're all at different ends and making ends meet on their own. But as impossible as it sounds, deep inside I yearn every day to be surrounded by my own family again.

About a week passes by and then I get a few messages and calls from a few friends who ask me how things are at this new place I was slowly getting accustomed to. They also ask to meet up sometime soon. Then there's an ex-collegemate who would care to take me to explore places nearby and help me get my groceries (and not to mention some delectable chocolates during exam week!). These friends, I didn't think I mattered much to them. I didn't think they would remember me or the fact that I was now at a different place. But they proved me wrong. They showed me that caringness exists beyond my own immediate family circle.

Then comes my birthday. Another friend drives all the way from Kuala Kubu to pick me from MMU and then my twin sister from her school in Seremban. I could not celebrate my birthday this year with my family and none of us got to celebrate our mum's birthday too which happened a week before me and my twin sister's. This good friend of ours came all the way from his place to celebrate our mum's birthday back at our home since none of us was around. For our birthday, he does the same thing except he drives a longer journey and uses his saved earnings from Tae Kwan Do classes he conducts to get us a mid-range fancy lunch and a birthday cake. I was really moved by my friend's gesture of kindness.

I can go on and on about all the good people in my close sphere have done for me but there's only so much that I can put down in words.

Thank you for everything good-willed peeps :) . Can't imagine a life without great peoples like you. You make life more pleasant to live.


Mechanical pencils comment

I was refilling my mechanical pencil nib when my mind took me on a brief detour through one of my most profound childhood memories. Mechanical pencils, or better known as pensel tekan in the local slang, have had a special connection with me for a very long time. Ever since I was a young lass in elementary school, I had this special piece of stationery tagging along with me wherever I would go. It isn't the most special piece of belonging to me now that I'm in college, but back when I was in elementary, it was the most precious thing I would hold on to. I can still vividly remember the self-contained fad I had with mechanical pencils. It was an insatiable obsession. You can say I was a craycray kid back then and I wouldn't mind because I knew just how irrational I would get at some point.

Back in those days, mechanical pencils were like a measure of how rich you were in class. I am not sure though if this was just me, as I was admittedly one hell of a mechanical pencil freak. But I do recall a few classmates deliberately flaunting their new mechanical pencils every time they got a new, fancy one. I remember having a keen eye for the "rich" mechanical pencils. The ones with the Pilot Shaker always grabbed my attention. Especially the 0.7.

All hail the mighty Pilot the Shaker

I was not one of those rich kids though. So I would save up whatever balance money I have left from my daily RM2 pocket money and coupled with an ungodly act of flicking some of my mother's coin savings in her woven "piggy bank", I would buy a new pensel tekan almost every twice a month. I'm sorry mum if you're reading this 😅. Those 50-cent coins that often ran dry in stock was because of me.

I remember being the subject of envy among my sisters whenever they saw my growing pensel tekan collection. They would give me the suspicious look, but then I would come up with some "convincing" stories about how I had ikat perut and not eaten a few times just to save enough for mechanical pencil. They would leave me alone after a while. I guess they chose to give me the benefit of the doubt as they didn't want to get me all fierce and defensive, the typical kid that I was back then😂.

So now with my collection of mechanical pencils growing with each new, better, fancier ones coming it at a fast rate, I didn't know where to store the older, less nice ones that didn't serve me any purpose anymore. You guessed it, I traded it. My sisters were obviously my first victims. I convinced them into trading their more cooler stuffs with my less-worthy mechanical pencils- which lasted only so long until it's fateful demise. They would come back trying to harass me into returning their goods but I would fight them off to their holes because "a deal is a deal", I would tell them.

I remember at age 10 when I was in Year 4, we were shifted to our neighbour secondary school due to overcrowding in our primary school. I would find mechanical pencils under the desks. I was that I-see-it-I-take-it kind of kid. "Finder's keepers", I thought. On top of this, I tried to convince myself that these older kids in secondary were "rich" enough to afford a new Pilot mechanical pencil when they could afford to own one in the first place. I went so berserk, obsessive and compulsive to the point of stealing two of my Moral class classmates' mechanical pencils. Needless to say, I was overcome by a lot of guilt in the aftermath. My uncle used to say, "once is a mistake, twice is still forgivable but thrice is a habit". I was sure to not make it to the third time.

my loyal Pilot 0.7

On a side note, I wish I could have convinced my younger self that I would one day be able to afford the 0.7 Pilot mechanical pencil of my dreams, a dozen of them. I was pathetically desperate, in retrospect.

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